The Gellicks an the Aul Ulster Scots Leid

Did ye ever wunner whaur the aul Ulster Scots leid comes fae? Nae doobt the cliver coofs fae the schools will blether on aboot emeegration fae across the sheuch, an "cognate dialects" an aa sorts o sic like clishnaclaver. But haul your lug doon tae my neb an I'll tell you a gellick saicret.

As you ken, The Gellick bides in the Toonland o Ballygellick, an ootby an aul- farrant kin o a place whaur, langsyne, aabody taaked the aul Ulster Scots leid. Noo, for mony years gellicks an folk bided side by side in Ballygellick, an maist o the time they were freenly eneuch wi yin anither, especially yince the folk, thraveless craturs that they are, stairted tae jalouse (wrangly) that we dinnae gae garravashin doon their lugs at nicht!

Onyway, there has been a sair change in Ballygellick the last wheen o years. Mair an mair folk bide in new biggins an are aye reddin up the smoor an clart that we gellicks big oor hames in. It seems that they cannae thole us gellicks ava ony mair:

Ye dinnae like tae think I'm here,
Amang your fauncy, sonsy gear,
An whan you see me sprattlin near,
It's stampin shoon,
Or skelpin broom, I dread an fear,
Will seal my doom!

Even the fairmers themsels are aye drainin the sheuchs an laein us nae clabber tae mak oor hooses an rear oor wee weans in. The hail thing would scunner the life oot o ye aa thegither.

Sae, what does aa this hae tae dae wi the aul Ulster Scots leid? Weel, this is the saicret: naebody can spake the aul Ulster Scots wi oot a wee sleekit gellick jooks doon their lug an curls up an bides in their heid. It's this that gies them the pooer for tae spake it richt. In bygane times it was aisy for a gellick tae get doon onybody's lug, an gar them blether an crack an yarn awa wi the best o them. But noo, wi aa the reddin up an clearin oot, the gellicks hae tae hirple aff tae the ootby loanens an ither lanely neuks. You see, we cannae get near eneuch tae the folk tae get doon their lugs at nicht. Sae noo nae sae mony o them spake the aul leid - only a throuither wheen o carnaptious hallions that magg  on in the aul-farrant way. An sae noo we gellicks can hairdly unnerstaun a wurd the maist o the modern gomerals say an we dinnae ken what tae dae aboot it ava.

Noo, haul your lug doon tae my neb again, quare an close my freend, quare an close....